Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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