you would pick up someone in the library
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
