ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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