ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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