I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
