You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
