Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
