i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
