i think my tv is drunk
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
