you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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