You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
