Moan for me like Helen Keller
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
