well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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