If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
