from now on my penis is your penis
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
