my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
