I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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