You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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