you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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