I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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