You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
