I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
