Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
