By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
