Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
