last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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