TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize