i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
