I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
