amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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