I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
