I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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