And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
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Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
smell my finger.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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