his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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