A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
