That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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