just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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