I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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