trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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