Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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