i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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