You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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