two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
