Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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