have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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