And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
