I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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