dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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