Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
