you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
