I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
