Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
