i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
