im six kinds of drunk right now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
its liver damage thursday
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
