i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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