Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
