How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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