well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
