Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
