I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
