You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
