I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
