I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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