so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
