I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i love accidental penises.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
