Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
