Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
...so i touched it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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