Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize