dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
