Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
