i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize