Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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