i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"it" just moved
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize