you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
