Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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